Saturday, January 11, 2014

A Reader Needs Your Advice Urgently, Guys - Her Boyfriend Already Has A Fiancee!

Here's her mail.
Please, I am a 24 years old lady, am pretty and ambitious. Something happened and I need your advice urgently.  
I was celibate at a time in my life for almost 6 months. What happened was the guy I wanted to finally give it all to, cos he had been chasing me for like 2 months, suddenly travelled out.  
Sometime later, a friend invited me to this party where I met this hot guy in his early 30s. I must confess, I couldn't control myself any longer. We were attracted to each other. So along the line, he ended up being the lucky guy I gave my 'virginity' to. 
But after the act, the young man stopped giving me the attention I wanted. We would see
once in a while, have s*x but I noticed he either doesn't want to go out with me when he is hanging out with his friends, or sometimes when I'm at his house and a visitor comes around, he tells me to leave or stay in his room. 
It went on for a while, so I cleared the air one day by sending a long message to him saying I couldn't settle for less. I demanded he defines our r/ship, cos I really like him and he's d kind of guy I'd want. 
Note that I wasn't throwing myself at him. I give him the attention he gives me, e.g. if he doesn't call, I won't either. I was taking it slow, cos I'm not the kind of woman that would easily take ill treatments from men cos I know my worth. 
But because I liked him I calmly explained the situation and why I can't stay and that he probably sees me as a hoe which am not. 
That was when he came out and said he has a fiancée, (who I guess was out of town or went overseas to get a degree). 
He asked why can't we be friends with benefits?! That he'll take care of me. 
I was hurt but I hid it!! Worse part - I found myself agreeing. I like him but I don't know what to do right now because I don't want to hurt myself... 
Am I a bad person for still wanting him secretly? Even though I'm not sure where it leads.  
I wish I could like, learn to love someone else but I can't, and I don't want to be single - I have been single for almost 2 years now. Giving myself a break and it sucks really.  
What's your advice?

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